How to Annoy People at Work - Monday's Suck :)

Monday's Suck. You can have some fun though. Maybe you could drive everyone crazy. Maybe you hate your job, or maybe you're just clueless. Either way, here are some quick and easy tips to help you become the most annoying employee around -- without getting yourself fired.

1 - Assume that you're smarter than everyone around you. In fact, assume that you're smarter than everyone in the company, and possibly everyone in the world. Never question your own brilliance, even momentarily.

2 - Have no respect for others' areas of expertise. For example, if you work in the design department, take every opportunity to tell the IT people or the secretarial staff how to do their jobs.

3 - Cultivate a condescending tone of voice. This is crucial. If you sound too pleasant, people might assume you mean well and actually like you. Speak slowly and loudly, and pronounce your words carefully, especially the big ones. Act as though you're teaching a 3-year-old how to tie her shoes.

4 - Pick something you know is important to a coworker, and make frequent, unfunny jokes about it. For example, if you work with a woman who adores her cat, joke about the cat being a terrible creature who will one day kill her in her sleep. Pretend not to notice that no one ever laughs.

5 - Offer extremely obvious and unsolicited advice. If a coworker's bike has been stolen, ask him, "Did you ever consider locking it up? I find that helps!"

6 - Complain about everything. If there's catered food, complain that it's disgusting. If there's no work to do, complain that you're bored. If there's a lot of work to do, complain that you're too busy. Complain about the temperature in the office and how uncomfortable your chair is.

7 - Never give up! If someone starts to walk away as you're talking, follow them. If your boss tells you to figure something out on your own, continue to ask questions. It takes perseverance to annoy coworkers on a consistent, meaningful level, so don't be afraid to lay it on thick.

Bonus - Don't be rude! It's actually more annoying to be overly friendly and clueless than to be blatantly hostile. Just make sure you come across as totally insincere.